Goodness, I'm so paralyzed with fear of failure that I fail just by not starting.
I realized recently that I can not see successful people and imagine being them one day. I see people thinking about the future and talking about savings, trips, homes, promotions, relationships and I get lost. I used to just go fuzzy and couldn't identify with those things but now they make me angry and jealous. But I see an old lady collecting cans for money, or hobbling down the street, and I see myself as that. I really just see those old ladies, in pain, poor and just straight up see the exact path leading me there. It's not a conscious choice, it simply feels inevitable.
Anyways, Marie wants her wedding invitations tomorrow, she asked me to do them two months ago and I haven't started.
My car needs a patch on the tire and a new fan belt. That's not going to happen for awhile.
Student loans? Credit card? lol
car insurance. Yeah, I should renew that. Soon.
Taxes. Same. 14 days until the deadline.
My body. I huff walking down the street now.
I fixed things once, long ago and have since been watching those things decay. I can't bring myself to action.
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