Lake Colgate

 

And Now For Something Pleasant

 This blog has been just sad sad sad, bleh blah blugh. I'm feeling alright lately, maybe I should take note of it. I'm sitting on a little porch in Haines Falls, NY, with cold feet in little pom pommed slippers looking out on a sun drenched field of tall grass, recently sprouted into yellow flowers. The trees are turning red at the tips, the mountain is a bed of trees, the land is fertile and green green green. All sorts of green. I didn't realize I was hungry until my eyes feasted upon all this green. 

We have a little white rental car, as I have (haha! this is old news!) fucked up again, and my car is legally not allowed to be driven till June. Now all I have to do is keep Michele in my good graces until then, as my car is parked on her property. It's incredibly kind, and I don't think I'll stop being stressed about it until I'm able to drive it away. How does one repay such a favor? I will try and figure out a way. 

I have been collecting acorns, tens and tens of them, in handfuls every time I walk up and down the path from the studio to Michele's house. There are quite a few oak trees and they're dropping seeds everyday, so I put them in my pockets, and now I have maybe two bucket fulls. I want to make an acorn dye out of them, dye some linen (or wool? cotton?) and make a dress. It comes out brown or grey, depending on if you make an iron bath for them, and I think I want grey. A beautiful grey dress, to wear with grey braids? Also, I just found out I can make an ink from them too. Very exciting to forage, I love spotting a fresh green acorn that's just bounced across the lawn, crouching to put it in my pocket, and then seeing more. grab grab grab, I am the queen of squirrels.

 

I saw Raph last night, he stopped by on his way from the Adirondacks with Manny and Caitlyn on his way to Ohio (cay-ah-ho-ga, I don't know how to spell it) to camp before heading home. The boy is a wanderer, his soul fidgets, he always has to be moving, learning, doing something. I envy it a bit, my soul is sedentary, but it has longing eyes. My soul is always looking at the things it could be doing, and then it sighs and says, "ah, maybe later".  Raph is the first person I've hugged that wasn't Adriene, Nicole or Stuart in months and months and months. I was so aware that I was breaking a rule, doing an illegal hug, that I didn't appreciate it. I miss embraces. Adriene is my closest friend but she eschews physical contact, doesn't like it, doesn't need it, whereas I crave it so, so much. Conor is in my group of people, so are the Quan-Fisher family, but I can't hug any of them. I don't even wish I could, I simply do not want to hug any of them. The older I get, the more removed I get from the sensual world. Sensual as in sensation I mean. When I was younger, touch was common, touch touch, hug, hold, lean, grab, it was comforting and normal. Now it is reserved for partners. Ah, I miss a hug. 

Last night I made pasta with sausages (locally made) and pesto (made by Conor's mom Beth) and wild mushrooms (local, not foraged by me) (can you imagine? I'd be panicked for days thinking I'd poisoned myself) and Brussels sprouts (local?) with bacon (local). Simple simple, and delicious. We sat by a fire Adriene made and after we'd all eaten I made myself sick on S'mores. I have some sort of allergy out here, and last night it was running rampant on my face, fucking tap dancing in my sinuses. We watched an episode of The 100 and I nearly fell asleep, so wiped out I was. 

I woke at 6 this morning, to an alarm that sounded like a doorbell. It really confused me. I set it for 6 because sunrise was at 6:30 and I wanted to drive to Michele's to pick up some work of mine, but to not alert anyone to my presence with headlights. You can hear everything in the country. All the cars on the road, all the birds in the trees. The acorns dropping are so loud I can hear them through my noise cancelling headphones. 

Okay, I think I'll shower and make food. 

Yours, happily, finally,

-T