Happy Birthday To Me

 

Turned 36

       I've had this journal for over 10 years. I think, without looking into the archive, I maybe have been logging on to this old thing for 16 years, if time can be believed. I turned 36 last Wednesday. It was lovely having people wish me well, and the occasional person said some really lovely things to me. I got a couple of gifts (a strange toad figurine from Dave with his signature script lovingly painted down the back; a cylindrical box of chocolates from Lora), and I was at the studio all day. Literally all day though. My morning class, I covered the teen class for Ester, and then the evening class I do from home. 

    I was well tired by 9 pm, when I got a text from Rachel telling me to come up, which I did. There waiting for me was not only Rachel, but Shiyara, Jess, Lilian, and two sleepy children heads lolling on the couch. The adults were dancing with silly novelty rainbow glasses on and dancing to a birthday song, with cake! There had been stomping all through my class, which I'd assumed was just the kids running off the energy of the day, but it was my friends, putting up banners and setting up a surprise. It's so sweet, they're so sweet. We did some karaoke later and I got knocked the fuck out by one half of an edible and one singular rum cocktail. I have been told that this is my late 30's and I should get used to it. I fear that the hangover plus the long days I worked last week were a battering ram against my immune system, and Friday I got sick (we though it was allergies. We, meaning me and the man at Accurate Pharmacy who diagnosed me and sold me some sudafed) but I was out all weekend, ded to the world.

Last night was the first night in maybe months where I've just nodded off, no supplements to sleep, no videos to lull me away to dreamland. It was amazing. There has had to be a bridge to get me to sleep, something to distract my busy brain while the rest of me falls out. I flagellate myself at night, cursing and reminding myself of Every Single Thing I've Done Wrong Ever and also Recently. I need a little diversion usually so I can just sleep without fucking crying but yesterday, ah! yesterday! I was so tired I simply slept! I merely SLEPT and for hours and hours (although I have been waking up at 4 am, strangely). I'm writing here at 2 am because every time I pause I hate myself but I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. But I have friends that love me for some reason, so I'm archiving it here, in case I forget. I only took a very few pictures, but enjoy: